Old Man Oscar And His Chinny Chin Chin Hairs

"Hey old man, what's that hanging under your chin?"
"Well, that's just my beard," he said with a grin.
"A-whatta-whatta what? A whatta-whatta what?"
"Come on kids, I'll tell you more about facial hair, just come back to my place!"
"Okay, but don't do anything dumb, we're crazy, we got mace."

They got to his place, 'bout half past noon.
Gathered around him in his living room and that's when he started singing this tune:

"Well kids, you see. ..
It always takes place
Hairs growing off the face
Once a child hits their teens
Grows in thin, and grows in thick
You can have it wild, gel it slick
Give it a flick or give it a lick,
Whatever you want, just take your pick!
Whatever you crazy kids are doing these days!"

"Beards aren't the only things that grows
You can get some hairs under your nose
It's called a moustache it's really cool
No one will ever take you for a fool!"

"But old man, mommy doesn't seem to think her moustache is cool."

"So listen loud and listen clear
When those hairs start to appear
Add some style to that smile
And if you're with me, cheer!"

Pigeon Dreams

Oh, just a smidgen I wish I was a pigeon
So I could walk and fly the streets aimlessly
Talk to the pigeon boss, sit on a big church cross
And eat off the ground and trash shamelessly
And I bet you wonder how I would deliver my mail
I would tie all the letters to my pigeon tail
Find all of my friends on land and deliever it to them first hand
Cause if I was a pigeon I wouldn't need no mailman

I Love My Kazoo

Gum

Gummy Gummy Gum, I chew you loudly
Gummy Gummy Gum, I chew you proudly
Whoa gum, you're quite the yum, pass it over chum.

I take a pick of a stick with my thumb, you're yum yum yum.
Gum. Ga-gum. GA-GUM. Gum.

Lemme blow a bubble.
Huge and small.
Lemme blow a bubble
POP! That was close call

Winterfresh YEA YEA GUM
Trident YEA YEA GUM
Extra YEA YEA GUM
Ba-ba-Big Red. YEA YEA GUM

So whenever you're glum,
Just pick up your gum
It's the rule of thumb.

The Story of Walden (Part I)

In the wintertime there was a lot of snow.
Over all that ice my bike wouldn't go
So I had to rely on the Septa bus
So I bought some tokens and gave it my trust

I was standing at the bus stop in the freezing breezing cold
And a man came up to me, he had a beard, smile, and looked pretty old
He looked at me with his wrinkly eyes and said as he smiled
"Hey, by those icicles growing off your chin,
I can tell you been waiting here for a long while.

Come on child, lend me your ear.
I know the god of the buses steered
His name is Walden and if you send him a prayer
In any second you'll be on a bus paying your fare"

I just thought this fella had too much booze
But then again I thought I had nothing to lose
So come on Walden, please send a bus at 10:10
To pick me up from this snowy bus stop, thank you and amen
Cause I'm in a pickle my feet are icicles
And I really needa go. Yea I really needa go.
So Walden the bus god, please come and get me

Heading Downtown.

Go to Frankford terminal and hop on the el
I'm going downtown and it's gonna be swell
Hop off at 2nd and market street
Cause I'm really hungry and I needa eat
Go to The Continental and get some bangin' cheesecake
Run and get Wawa coffee so I can stay awake
If its too cold I wont call it quits
Ill just go see a movie at the ritz
Sneak into a fancy hotel. Visit the good ol' liberty bell.
Run down the art museum steps just like rocky
Or go to Chinatown and buy some pocky
And then if I walk around the block
I can catch the Jeffrey lewis show at the troc
Shop at all the downtown stores
Run in Cosi and make smores
Make sure that I drop a dime
To the corner entertainer cool hip mime
Crazy hobo old man oscar playing trombone
Asking the kiddies to all come home
To learn about some facial hair
Dedicated benches at rittenhouse square
But then the part I really hate
Is that its getting really late
Plus its about to rain
So I decide to hop back on the el train
I wave goodbye to the hot border book men
And wait for tomorrow to do this all again.

Mime on Lunchbreak

It seems to be a crime
In this city to be a mime
I just want to entertain, just want a dime
But people think I'm a mimely disgrace
They spray mace in my face
They shoo me off from their kids
Don't put no money in my lid
So when you think about your career and stuff
Remember a mime's job is quite rough.

Being Yourself

Be yourself nothing more or nothing less
Don't think there's anyone out there to impress
And dress how you wanna dress you can wear suits or go out a mess
Yourself is someone you should never be betraying and express yourself is all I�m saying
Cause if you wanna play chess then move those pawns
Or maybe you wanna lay out on some fresh spring lawns
If you wanna read, Go grab a book off the dusty library shelf
If you don't do what you want, you're only cheating yourself
So if you love food, go ahead and eat
If you wanna swim, hit up that swim meet
If you wanna bike, hop on that bicycle seat
Doing what you love will cause you no defeat
So tomorrow when you roll out of bed
Remember exactly what I said
And do all those things you've been dying to do
And realize it feels great to just be you
And if anyone tells you it's dumb, override it with a hum.
say "hmm hmmm la hmmm ba kiss my bum"

Oh Wawa

Ain't for jesus and ain't for allah.
Only god for me is wawa.
When I die there isn't no heaven.
This is no hell, no seven eleven.
Just a golden wawa where everything is free
I'll skip through the aisles with Wawa green tea

I Don't Even Eat Them

I don't mean to be a hog
But I really do want a 78 foot hot dog
When my momma be makin me a frank
Its walden I wanna thank
Cause I love my hot dogs on the grill
Or even raw ill eat them still
So gimme one with everything but relish please
Cause a tasty hotdog brings me to my knees
Cause for a hotdog I will travel the seas
Cause a hotdog is better than Chinese
I wanna hot dog hot dog please!

You've got Male

If you get a letter from a male saying he can't fanthom an answer
Dump him off that ship and trade him for a male exotic dancer
Men who can't feel won't get you anywhere I swear
But a male exotic dance has quite a lot to share
Men who can't feel never ever want to dance
But the male exotic dancer will dance without his pants
And he'll wiggle and he'll shake it in his crazy thong
So trust me on this one with a male exotic dancer you can't go wrong

Awed At Elders

Well you know that hope you get when you see old couples walking together
You see them linking arms and think maybe true love is forever
But hey man, you never know, maybe they only met five minutes ago
Glazed at each other and said I'm slow and you're slow
And we both got a lotta blocks to go and I noticed that you're all alone
So you can walk with me how's that sound
So they switch the hand of their groceries
Forgot about their tired knees Forgot about their achy backs and gray strands
And wondered off holding hands.

My Island

I'm gonna own an island, not to far from here.
So grab up all your suitcases and all your camping gear.
Only bring what you love and leave what you love not.
And get ready to hear my killer island plot.
You wont find any watches, here on anyones wrists,
because no time will even exist.
It will exist but we wont bother to have it recorded.
And everyone will be kind to others without the need to be rewarded.
You won't have to worry how to get your food on the table,
and life will be too beautiful to waste it watching cable.
You'll never have to feel the need to climb society's ladder of success.
They'd be no worse and they'd be no best.

Dear Weatherman,

I'm writing this letter because you are the man of weather
And you make it so there's no surprise what to expect from the skies
I bet you get letters full of whining when you falsely predict the sun would be shining
They say this weatherman full of lies, well I say man, forget those guys
So yea, strangers may want you fired but by me you are admired
So give yourself a pack on the back, you are the weatherking
Thanks for letting me know what tomorrow might bring
Even if you're wrong I still think you're the best
We all make mistakes, no need to get stressed
So I just had to get all this off my chest
Anyway, how's the weather tomorrow your weather royalty
Tell me how it is and you'll keep my loyalty
I'll just tune into the TV so no need to write back to this
So with a hug and a kiss, love anonymous

My Lovers

I have a pet, no I have four
One is a big ol' black Labrador
His name is Snoopy and here's the scoop
Outta my doggies he's the friendly of the group
If you want to know me than you got to get the facts
I have 2 more dogs and the next one's name is Max
Max is beastly so you better beware
He craves the mail and looks like a big hairy bear
And those dogs are males but the last one is a she
A little beagle dog and her name is Henry
And my last pet likes to make situations shitty
His name is Quacky and he is a white kitty
He shits and pukes on everything that comes in his path
Don't piss him off or he'll release his pissing wrath
So now that you know about Snoopy, Max, Henry and Quacky
You can finally live your life in a fashion that is happy

Banana Craze

I don't need a expensive meal
I'm way happier with a banana to peel
They are only twenty five cents and a tasty pick
But if I eat too many I'll get sick
So if you wanna make me smile hand me that odd yellow shape
And I'll eat it faster than any ape

Summing It Up

We live in permanent states of delirium
We live for kazoos so into them we can hum, we live for gum,
We live for caffeine, we live for travel
We live to roller-skate and bike through gravel
We won't sleep until we are dead
Cause there's lotsa to be doing instead
We hop on greyhound buses to get outta philly
We carry silly string to silly string you silly.

Paper Shredder

I used to be able to not to sleep for days
But now my brain sleep-o-meter is having it's way
And I used to think coffee was the greatest thing
Now I just think it's okay.
And I start a bunch of shit I'll never ever finish
And read books so my brain feels replenished
And sometimes if that brain is bothering me
I go on crazy continuous OCD cleaning sprees
Where I throw out a bunch of shit I felt the need to grub
Like pictures and drawings and old concert ticket stubs
Take out the trash and then start a whole new shit collection to throw out next time

Rap? I

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